Pro Bono
Warren ficathon fic, for Fabricatedvoice
Rating: PG-13
Requirements: Warren/Lilah, "angst, drama, violence, all that good stuff"
Disclaimer: These characters belong to Mutant Enemy and associates. No ownership is implied or intended.
Notes: Thanks to Emony for the beta-read and running the whole darned ficathon. :) Thanks to uncountedchimes for beta reading and general encouragement. Master fication list is here.
Warren half-dozed in the in the holding cell at Sunnydale Jail, and watched a fantastic pair of legs walk by. Whoever that woman was visiting was one lucky guy.
He tried to tune out Jonathan and Andrew's bickering by going over his jet pack design in his head. Once he got out of jail, he was going to rebuild his pack. Only this time he would have better steering controls. Next time, if Little Miss Slayer decided to throw a chunk of rubble at him, he'd be able to dodge it. Not drop ten feet to the ground, twist his ankle, and be dragged off to Sunnydale Jail with Flotsam and Jetsam.
"Warren Meers?"
Warren sat up. The legs were looking for him? "That's me," he said. He stood up, and approached the bars of the cell.
"Lilah Morgan. Wolfram and Hart, Attorneys at Law. We heard you might be in need of our services," the legs - Lilah - said.
Jonathan and Andrew stopped arguing and stared at Lilah.
Warren squinted at her, trying to figure out the punchline. "Who called you?" he asked finally.
Lilah smiled. "We've been aware of you for quite some time. You have talents we think could be an asset to our corporation."
He tried to think of something clever to say, but all he could come up with was, "Oh?"
"Yes. Now, do you want to stay here in the cell, or do you want to go somewhere more comfortable so we can discuss the details of our arrangement?" she asked smoothly.
Andrew jumped up, and nearly ran to Warren's side. Jonathan scowled at Andrew, but joined the other two anyway.
"Yeah," said Warren. "We'll talk."
Lilah glanced at Warren's sidekicks, and shook her head with mock pity. "We've got plenty of your kind." She turned back to Warren. "Deal's for you, and you alone."
Andrew crossed his arms and glared at her. "We're a team! You're not getting Warren unless you take me, too!"
Lilah raised an eyebrow at Warren, who shrugged. "Forget him. I'm in. When do I get out of here?"
"Right now," she said, signaling to a guard.
Andrew froze, stunned. "But... you promised me! You said we'd be together, no matter what!"
Warren shrugged again as the guard unlocked the door. "Things change."
He walked out of the room with Lilah, and never looked back.
"No, you idiot! I told you, if you start the incantation before the laptop is fully booted up, you'll fry the hard drive, and you won't be able to complete the circle... I don't care how many people were waiting - they've been waiting nine months for the kid to be born, they can wait another two minutes for the sacrifice... Dude, bitch to whoever you want. That's just the way it is... Well, your mother works on Hollywood Boulevard! ... yeah, you do that then!" Warren slammed the phone back into the cradle and sighed in exasperation.
When he'd signed up to work with Wolfram and Hart in exchange for his release from jail, he'd been promised a lab and the funds to develop his gadgets. He'd recreated his blueprints for his invisibility ray and his mind control device, and had started drawing up plans for a shrink ray. But after a month, the lab setup was tied up in red tape, and he was stuck doing tech support.
Bored, he switched his computer over to the security camera view. He'd gotten the access codes a couple of weeks ago when he'd helped Surveillance align the new wards with the old security system. Turns out he had learned something from that weasel Jonathan. A year spent amplifying his gadgets with Jonathan's spells gave him an expertise in merging magic and technology.
He pulled up the camera for Lilah Morgan's office. Finding it empty, he tried Linwood Murrow's office and a couple of conference rooms until he finally found her in Gavin Park's office. He sat back and watched her argue soundlessly with Gavin, until he heard the door to his own office open.
He grabbed for the mouse, intending to close the window, but relaxed when he saw who it was.
"Still stalking Lilah?" asked Knox.
"Just keeping an eye on her," said Warren.
"Ah. Well, good for you," replied Knox cheerfully.
Warren scowled. "Are you here for a reason, or did you just come by to bug me?"
"A reason, actually. I wrote up my D&D character this morning. Hey, any idea when we're getting a lab?" Knox sat in the chair in front of Warren's desk and handed over a sheaf of papers.
"No idea," said Warren. "Is that the cleric?" Knox nodded. Warren skimmed through pages. "Looks pretty good. I'm starting everyone off with only one magic item, though, so you'll have to choose the staff or the cloak."
"Um, the staff, then," said Knox.
"Who's this goddess? Illyria? That's not from
Demons and Demigods, is it?"
"No, she's an original character. I wrote up some stuff on her, on the fourth page?" Knox leaned over the desk and pulled out the page in question for Warren.
"Oh, right," Warren stared at the page for a moment, then dropped it on the desk. "What the hell am I going to do about her?"
"Illyria? I have a book at home-"
"No, Lilah! She's," Warren waved his hand in the air near his head "she's gotten into my head! And I swore I was done with women! They're nothing but trouble. And then Lilah comes along, with those legs and that attitude and she's so goddamn hot, but she barely gives me the time of day, and I haven't worked out the kinks on the mind control device yet.”
"Hey, aren't you taking a trip with her next week?" asked Knox.
"Just up to Sunnydale for the trial. Won’t be more than a couple days, though. They just need my testimony to use against Andrew and Jonathan," said Warren.
"So... there's your chance. You'll be alone with her, and you can make your move. Plus, you know my buddy Ted? The guy who has LAN parties all the time?"
Warren frowned. "The one who's dating the chick on
One Life to Live?"
Knox grinned. "That's him. He knows a spell I bet you could use."
Warren searched through his suitcase. He’d paid a lot of money for that spell, and he was damn well going to use it. He needed a distraction from the image of Andrew making puppy-dog eyes at him all day in court.
“Looking for this?”
Warren turned to see Lilah standing in the door of his hotel room, one hand resting on her hip and the other holding up a small red bag.
“Um, yeah. It’s an herbal remedy. See, I have these allergies-” began Warren.
Lilah raised her eyebrows. “Then someone sold you the wrong remedy. This is a love spell, type 3,” she sniffed the bag, “from George’s shop on Melrose. It’s a little stale, though. Hope he didn’t charge you full price.” She threw it in the trash can.
“I... er... Okay, the thing is-”
She shrugged. “Whatever,” she said, stepping in the room and closing the door behind her. “You don’t have much experience with women do you?”
Warren bristled. “Hey, I’ve dated a lot... a couple... I’ve dated!”
“Right,” said Lilah. “Let’s see... April the Robot, no longer functional since her batteries ran down. And Ms. Katrina Silber, deceased.” She walked toward Warren slowly. She slid off her jacket, and tossed it on the nearby chair. “Any woman ever slept with you and lived to tell the tale?”
Warren laughed nervously, and shrugged. “Look, do you have a...” His eyes dropped to her blouse, which she was slowly unbuttoning. “... point?” he finished weakly.
“I’m just saying, you have a lot to learn about women. For example, you should try approaching a woman directly before resulting to love spells.”
“Right,” said Warren, as he watched her remove her shirt. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
“And what happened next?”
“Jonathan hit her with the champagne bottle. I tried to help her, but...”
“Go on,” said Lilah kindly.
“She - there was no pulse.” Warren didn’t need to fake his grief. He really did regret that Katrina was dead. “Jonathan... he kept saying we have to get rid of it.”
“’It’? You mean her body?” Warren nodded, tears filling his eyes. Lilah approached the witness stand. “Warren, I know this is hard for you, but I need you to tell us what happened. Can you go on?”
“Yeah.” Warren rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand. “Jonathan said we had to get rid of the body, so we put her in the van, and drove down to the river. I kept saying, ‘We shouldn’t do this. We should go to the police,’ but he insisted that we’d go to jail. And I didn’t know what to do, you know? So we threw her in the river...” As he told the story Lilah had created for him, he had to resist staring at her and grinning. The loss of Katrina hurt a whole lot less now that he had Liliah.
“Brilliant,” Lilah said, when they returned to the hotel for their luggage. “You were incredible! If I didn’t know better, I’d have thought you were actually sorry about that girl’s death.”
“Right. Yeah. Well, that was the idea, right?” said Warren.
“Absolutely. So,” she said. “You in a hurry to get back to L.A.?”
“Not so much,” grinned Warren.
“Good,” she said, unfastening her jacket buttons, “Because we’ve got another hour and a half before we need to check out - and I think I’d like to try out that toy you’ve got in your suitcase.”
Warren smiled, and tugged at his tie. “So, did you go through all my stuff?”
Lilah shrugged. “Had to, for security reasons.” She grabbed his tie, and pulled him in for a kiss. After a moment, she let him go. “Leave the tie on. Take the rest off. I’m going to go freshen up, and if you’re not naked and ready to go when I’m done, I will be very unhappy.”
“Right,” said Warren. He started unbuttoning his shirt. Lilah smiled, and stepped into the bathroom.
“Dude! Where are you going?” said Knox, running to keep up with Warren as he strode down the halls of Wolfram and Hart the next day.
“Gonna go visit Lilah,” replied Warren.
“Um, I’m not so sure that’s a good idea,” said Knox. “She’s in the middle of some big project. Theresa from accounting says she had a guy eviscerated once for interrupting her.”
“Oh, she’ll see me,” said Warren.
“Oh? Oh! The spell worked, then. ‘Cause my roommate got one from that batch, and he said it didn’t do anything.”
“No, that’s the great thing! I didn’t need the spell. She already wanted me,” said Warren.
“Really?” said Knox skeptically.
“Yes! She totally came on to me.” He lowered his voice. “Then she rode me like a wild woman. She was incredible.”
“Really,” said Knox. “No spell at all?”
Warren grinned. “Just me. What can I say? The woman can’t resist me.” They reached the door of Lilah’s office. Knox grabbed Warren’s arm.
“Um, I really don’t think you should go in there now.”
Warren shook him off. “It’s cool. She’s my woman, now.”
Knox raised his eyebrows, and backed off. “Okay, man. Whatever you say.” He walked away, shaking his head.
Warren pushed open the door to her office. Lilah was on the phone.
“... he doesn’t need his toes for the ritual, does he? Try smashing a few of them - see if that makes him more cooperative.” She noticed Warren. “Hold on a moment,” she said into the phone. She glared at Warren. “Get out.”
Warren smiled, and walked over to her. “Hey, baby. Just stopped by to see you. Want to grab some lunch together?”
Lilah sighed. She spoke into the phone, “Call me back in ten minutes. If you don’t have the codes by then, I’ll carve out your liver.” She hung up.
“God, you’re hot,” said Warren. He tried to run his hand over her arm, but she shoved him away.
“What the fuck are you doing here?”
Warren stared at her, confused. “I came to see you.”
“Well, I have work to do, and I don’t need you hanging around. Why don’t you go back to your office, and maybe I’ll call you later, okay?”
“Okay, I think we need to establish some things in our relationship,” Warren began, but Lilah started laughing.
“Relationship? We don’t have a relationship, little boy. We fucked. And I don’t need some lovesick geek stalking me, so I’m thinking we should just stop things here. Get the hell out of here. I have work to do.”
“No,” said Warren. “You don’t get to treat me like that.”
“Yes, I do,” said Lilah. “Get. Out.” She reached for her phone receiver, but Warren grabbed her arm. Her expression hardened. “Okay, that’s it.” She reached toward her desk, but Warren grabbed both her arms.
“You stupid bitch! You think you can just toy with me, and I’d let you get away with that?” He shoved her backwards and she fell on the ground. Warren opened the top drawer of her desk, pulled out a handgun, and pointed it at her. Lilah started to get up, but he shook his head. “No. Stay down there.”
“Fine. What do you want?” She leaned back on her elbows. “You’ve got me at gunpoint here - what are you going to do? Want me to declare my eternal and undying love for you?”
Warren scowled, and took a step closer to her. “You think that’s funny? You think I won’t use -” Lilah swung her leg up and hit him in the balls with her pointed Manolo Blahnik. Warren let out a high-pitched cry, and doubled over, dropping the gun. Lilah grabbed the gun, pointed it at him, and stood up.
She slid open a drawer and punched a button. A moment later, four security guards burst through the doors.
“Take him out. I don’t want to see him again,” she said. The head security guard nodded, understanding. They grabbed Warren, and dragged him off.
“Bye, honey,” Lilah grinned, and gave a small wave. After the guards left, she sat down, and put the gun in her drawer. The phone rang, and she picked it up. “You got it? ... Good. I knew you could do it.”
the end
Home :
Send feedback
The characters and likenesses used on this site do not belong to me. No ownership is implied or intended. I respect the rights of Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, Joss Whedon, David Greenwalt, and everyone else involved in the production of these shows. I believe my work here falls under fair use laws. However, if you own the copyright to any of the works my stories are derived from, and you object to my usage, please contact me at airawyn@fiddlergirl.com.